Many who know me in real life (or happen to have stumbled across this blog post) know that I gave up sugar on June 1st. Just for the summer, I had said, but when September 1st rolled around, I decided not only to keep it up, but I also dropped chips and crackers, as well.
It’s made a difference. I’m down sixteen pounds. My husband says my moods are less volatile. I think I have more energy and I certainly have more focus. I don’t feel *quite* as slave-driven by food, although my eating habits still could use considerable improvement.
But I’m struggling. I’m struggling this fall with cravings for all sorts of things. It’s because, I’ve realized, fall to me equals food. Fall equals Halloween candy and pumpkin bread, pumpkin pie and Christmas cookies, Christmas sweets and chocolate galore. No wonder fall is my favorite season!
Also, the newness has worn off. It was “easier” this summer, because I was determined. I’m still determined, but there’s no finish line in sight. There’s no time at which I’m telling myself I can go back. This is how it should be, but it’s fanning the flames of inner rebellion, and believe me, my inner rebel is always raring to go.
True confession: In October I ate a smidgen of cookie dough, two sugar cookies, a number of licks of frosting, and one piece of pumpkin bread. Oh, and six mini candy bars on Halloween. Saturday, I ate two cinnamon rolls and a bite of banana bread. Sunday, I had a large mug of hot chocolate. The hot chocolate was heavenly. I was jazzed up, happy, and confident. For three hours. Then I got tired. Last night I snapped at my son.
Today, I am grouchy. I see the pattern. I know it’s the lack of sugar fueling this grouchy person today. And that’s the person I don’t want to go back to. I didn’t like that person, the one who’d gripe at people anywhere, anytime, depending on the level of sugar in her system.
Health and weight benefits aside, the Dr. Jekyll / Mrs. Hyde thing is just not a good look for me.
But it’s a struggle, especially with December closing in. I’ve told myself all along I may have sugar on the major holidays if I want to. So I have Thanksgiving Day and Christmas Day, if I want to. The problem is, I want to right now. I always want to.
I’ve fessed up. I’ve fessed up how close I’ve come to ditching it all and going face-down in the chocolate. It would be easy to do. It’s so tempting to do.
I am an addict, and sugar is my drug.
Help me stay strong, won’t you?